There are times in life that we will meet people who cannot be emotionally present when we are in a relationship, be it a friendly, romantic, or professional relationship. They often look like they're giving distance, cold, or even unconcerned.
This could be just a coincidence, perhaps because the person is having a bad day, facing a problem, or there is something more important that concerns them. But, it turns out that there are also people who do have such a disposition. This difficult trait to be emotionally present is known as emotionally unavailable.
Emotionally unavailable people are people who are unable to respond to the needs or emotional cues of others. People with emotional unavailability also often have difficulty expressing or handling their emotions. They also find it difficult to get along emotionally with others.
Also read: Ways to Recognize and Manage Emotions with Mindfulness Techniques
There are several things that cause people to become emotionally unavailable. But, most studies have found that attachment style (a model of a child's relationship with his or her primary caregiver) and parent-child relationships have the most significant impact. Children who do not get a sufficient emotional response have a tendency to become emotionally unavailable while growing up.
The condition of emotional unavailability can be addressed, as long as the person with emotional unavailability understands that he has the condition and seeks professional help to overcome the condition of emotional availability experienced. here are the signs of people with Emotional Unavailability:
•Avoidingclose/closerelationships
People with Emotional Unavailability are usually "afraid" of close relationships. They don't like to share the deepest feelings and thoughts they have. In addition they are also very difficult through emotional experiences and it is ultimately difficult to open up to the people around them.
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• Avoiding commitment
Commitment is difficult for people with Emotional Unavailability. Fear of commitment and fear of being too close to people are common characteristics of people with Emotional Unavailability. For example, in romantic relationships, they tend to choose a more casual relationship, rather than something serious. In friendship relationships people with Emotional Unavailability will feel uncomfortable when we express our concern for them, or treat them as confidants.
• Irritable
Also read: Mindfulness: Beware of Our Surroundings
Partners or couples with Emotional Unavailability tend to respond in a more defensive way when discussing things like relationship dynamics, heartache, or when asked to change their bad habits. Worse still, they sometimes blame others for the problems they cause.
• They are unreliable
People with Emotional Unavailability choose to shy away when we need their help or need their presence as we go through difficult times. In fact, sometimes it is very difficult for people with Emotional Unavailability to simply listen to other people's complaints.
• Difficulty empathizing
Also read: Mental Health Stigma and How to Break It
Because of the nature of those who prefer to "turn off" emotions, people with Emotional Unavailability usually show very little empathy. That is, they have difficulty understanding or sharing the feelings of others. In other words, people with Emotional Unavailability are incapable of relating to others, unable to put themselves in the shoes of others, or not considering the feelings of others when making decisions.
Emotional unavailability vs. narcissistic personality
At first glance, people with emotional unavailability have some similarities with people who have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but they are not the same thing. Although both have difficulty in expressing or managing emotions, people with NPD also have other signs, such as:
• Feeling himself to be the most important person
• Feeling himself greater and bigger than anyone else
• Feeling himself most entitled
• Dependence to always feel the most powerful, successful, smart, admired, or loved.
• Have a very minimal level of empathy
The characteristics of people with Emotional Unavailability do look like people with bad traits at first glance. But that doesn't mean they don't care about other people's feelings, they just don't have the mental capacity to do that and need help tackling the Emotional Unavailability condition they're experiencing.
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